Is death really far away? The new coronavirus pneumonia alone has claimed the lives of more than 1.34 million people around the world (as of November 19, 2020). It has taught the human body to understand the impermanence of life and to live every moment well. If those engaged in humanistic services, such as medical staff, elderly service practitioners, social workers, counselors, teachers, etc., can correctly understand death and master intervention skills such as hospice care, grief counseling, and life and death education, it will not only help individuals to prepare, but also It can help improve the quality of life of the frail elderly and sick patients in their late stages, support the bereaved through their grief period, and educate the public to view death positively. .
"Death is everywhere and can come suddenly. Therefore, everyone should understand death, view it with a positive attitude, and prepare early to live well in the present moment." Senior Service Manager, Hospice Service Department, Anglican Saint Carpenter's Community Center for the Elderly Liang Zidun (Arnold), accredited fellow in death scholar (Fellow in Thanatology) of the American Society of Death Education and Counseling, said that especially humanistic service providers who need to deal with death-related issues include: medical staff, elderly service practitioners, social workers, counselors , teachers, etc., should improve their skills in relevant aspects so that they can be applied to work.
5 things you need to know about supporting the bereaved
As people around us, how should we support and comfort the bereaved and help them "accept" the grief and accept the change? What should not be said? Arnold reminds, there are the following 5 Dos & Don'ts:
1. Don’t compare grief to grief
"Why are you so sad? My relatives are not like this when they die." "When a pet dies, it's not like a person dies!" The relationship does not matter whether it is a human or an animal, and the degree of love in each relationship is different. Sadness The degree is also different. These words make the bereaved feel that the comforter does not understand him and is criticizing him.
2. Grief cannot be replaced
Grief cannot be taken away, nor can it be replaced. For example: Faced with the painful experience of a mother who had an abortion, people around her said: "You are still so young, I will have another baby next time." "It doesn't matter, you still have two children." This "comfort" made the mother feel even more Sad: "What about this lost one? Isn't it life?" Even if we have another child in the future, it is an independent life and cannot be replaced.
3. Good intentions may lead to bad things
Is it appropriate to use the phrases "My condolences", "RIP" and "Don't be too sad" to comfort the bereaved? Arnold pointed out that the speaker is intentional and the listener is unintentional. For the bereaved who have experienced severe pain, the above words are of no use.
! Actions are more important than words
4. Play the role of companion and listener
The supporter should play the role of companion and listener. They can express care through simple physical contact such as hugging, shaking hands, patting on the shoulder, and lending their shoulders to the bereaved, so that the bereaved can feel that they are not alone. Face; At the same time, the bereaved should be encouraged to express their grief, and do not judge him. If he does not want to talk more, do not force him, but give him space.
5. Assist bereaved people to improve their ability to adapt to life
Supporters can share the daily tasks of the bereaved, such as cooking, washing clothes, taking care of children, etc., and tell the bereaved that they only need to rest well. Then assist the bereaved to adapt and learn new life skills, take on the roles and tasks previously performed by the deceased, and prepare for entering a new life.